What do I know of Holy?

I love the new song by Addison Road "What Do I Know of Holy". Take a few minutes and listen here.

Or you can read the lyrics.

I made You promises a thousand times
I tried to hear from Heaven
But I talked the whole time
I think I made You too small
I never feared You at all No
If You touched my face would I know You?
Looked into my eyes could I behold You?

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were mighty to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And a God who gave life "its" name?
What do I know of Holy?
Of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows Your name
On earth and heaven above
What do I know of this love?

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy?

It's a very real look into myself. If you play me in Bible trivia you'll find that I'm very knowledgeable about the Bible, but I think that I tend to keep the knowledge in my head and don't allow it to trickle down through the rest of me. I don't apply what I know in my life. I treat God too small and play along the edges of His greatness instead of diving headlong into what a wonderful and powerful God that He is. I can't listen to Him because I only hear myself talking. This is quite surprising when you consider what my family and I are heading into. We leave four weeks from today for our training in Chico. I look forward to the things that God is going to teach me about Himself. I hope I can be open to what He has to say and respond with a heart that longs to be like Him. God is greater than anything I can imagine. My feeble human brain cannot comprehend His greatness. I think I know so much but I don't. I've let pride ruin what could be a great relationship with God. What could be a most intimate relationship with God I've reduced to a meaningless memorization of ambiguous facts that I've managed to retain in my brain. I long for that intimacy more than I can tell you. These are some of the things I hope to learn while in Chico. I hope I can take the plunge and become what God wants me to be, a true worshipper of Him. He desires that more than anything else in this world. He has created us specifically for that purpose. That relationship is to be more intimate than that of the relationship between a husband and wife. This training I am going to is meant to foster that relationship and to make it grow.

Dear Lord, may I become the person you want me to be. Remove from me the things that are hindering my complete devotion to you. This is my prayer.

So what do I know of Holy? Very little.

Temple

I love food. I love to eat good food. I love food so much that it has become an idol for me. Those of you who see me regularly see the results of this idol worship. I am currently about 70 lbs overweight, and I am on blood pressure medication because of my bad choices. The last couple of weeks I have begun to do something to improve my health. I have been walking every couple of days to try and get some exercise in my life (one day I accidentally walked 7 miles... yes I said accidentally, but we won't go into that right now). I like to walk it gives me time to talk and listen to God. I just got back home from a five mile walk and God was talking to me about my food consumption. I have no self control when it comes to eating. I go away from almost every meal feeling overly full. I am a glutton. I live to eat, not eat to live. I think the worst part about it is that I see my older son following in my footsteps. I am constantly warning him to have self control over his eating. But am I expecting him to do something I'm not willing to do? I think it's a case of do as I say not as I do.

The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

The context of this passage is talking about sexual sin, but I think it applies to any aspect of your physical body that is out of control. For me this passage shouts at me that I am to watch very closely what I put into my mouth and how much of it. Instead of two or three greasy GFS burgers why not have just one and savor it a bit longer instead of gulping it down. I eat so fast that my stomach doesn't have time to tell my brain that I don't need any more food. I need to slow the pace down at our dinner table and actually have conversations with my family instead of rushing through the meal so we can get going on the next thing that doesn't really need to be done all that quickly.

As I prepare to move temporarily to California for training, God has impressed on me that this needs to be a time of total preparation: mind, spirit and body. God wants the whole package, not just the parts that you are willing to give Him. I will continue to work on giving up the idol of food and continue to exercise so that I can be prepared for what ever service He has in store for me.

All glory to God my provider.

California

It looks like we'll be heading for California instead of Texas. We were really torn between California and New Zealand, but in talking with trusted friends and prayer partners, we think that God is leading us to the base in California. There were a number of reasons why this seemed to make better sense to us. We weighed the extra cost of flying the entire family to New Zealand (between $5,000 and $10,000) and driving cross country, and realized that that extra money could be spent in a much better way. We would get to visit some friends in Colorado on the way. We would also get a chance to see more of this great country that we live in. We really didn't get the knock over the head realization that this is where we should go, but a number of friends reminded us that sometimes God doesn't specifically tell you where to go. Sometimes He lets you start down a path and if it's not where you're supposed to go He'll redirect you, like Tyler. That door was closed for a reason, we may never know why, but God does and that's good enough for me.

We continue forward with the expectation that God will guide us and provide for us.

God is good, all the time!

?

Well God has told a resounding NO to Tyler TX. We got a call today telling us that the CDTS there has been canceled due to lack of applications. So we are asking for prayers for a new direction. We are currently looking into a few different places for CDTS, and trusting that God will open a new door for us to enter into. It's hard not knowing what we are supposed to be doing. We covet your prayers as we listen to God speaking, and we hope that He will guide us.

Break me Lord

Robin recently found a blog describing a CDTS Outreach that was taking place in Guatemala (link here). The people were ministering to a couple of different areas in Guatemala City. One of the areas was located near a garbage dump where scores of children and families live, yes they live in the dump. A friend of mine who has seen a video of this area told me that the children will fight with the seagulls to get food. It just breaks my heart that people have to live this way. I feel so spoiled here in America. I can hardly wait to get away from here and hopefully make a difference in the lives of people like these. We are so easy to complain and grumble when we are inconvenienced just a little. It almost makes me sick to my stomach to think of all the time and money and resources that are wasted in the U.S. while these people have to fight birds just to get something to eat.

I have also been reading a story (link here requires Adobe reader) in a World Vision magazine that we receive about a reporter and her camera man living with a family in Turkana in northwestern Kenya. The writer and camera man lived with the family and ate what they did for five days. The area hasn't seen significant rain in 18 months. The people have been forced to go long distances to feed and water their animals which puts them at risk to be attacked by raiders looking to steal the animals. The family she is staying with was just attacked and lost a significant portion of their flock to the raiders (they lost 312 goats, 38 camels and 10 donkeys, leaving them with just 7 goats and 2 camels.) Please read the rest of the story. These people are starving and yet any little thing they receive they see as a gift from God and praise Him eagerly for it. We take for granted that our grocery stores will be full. We squander and waste so much we aught to be ashamed.

God has blessed this nation, but we are not fulfilling our responsibility to pass that blessing on to others. I realize that we do a lot to help, but are we doing enough? I challenge you to examine your life to see where you can change to help impact the world and make it better. If it means not getting that gourmet coffee, or giving up some entertainment choices (movies, TV, etc...) even something as simple as lowering your internet service to a slightly slower speed, or cutting back on your food choices (eating at home rather than eating out.) I am writing this to myself just as much as to any of you. The choices I have made when looking back at them sometimes disgust me. To think of all that could have been done with the money that I have wasted. I just pray that God will forgive me and guide me to better choices, and that He will break me and show me the things that break His heart. He sees those starving kids in Guatemala and in Africa and He weeps for them. I want to feel the way He feels and do something that makes a difference. I believe that is what He is calling our family to do. We will continue to listen to His calling and follow where He leads us.

We've been accepted!!!

We have received our letter of acceptance from YWAM Tyler! Our plans are as follows:

June 22ish leave for Texas for 5 months training. (See here for course information) This includes 3 months classroom training and 8 weeks outreach somewhere in the world. Outreach will be determined during the training phase.

November 15-? visit the base in Creel, MX and get to know the people on base there better. We have been in contact with them on Facebook and through email. During this time we will be particularly listening for God's confirmation as to whether this is where He is leading us or not.

November ? - January ? gather support for permanently moving to Creel. We hope to leave at the beginning of next year. This of course will be determined on exactly how much we need to raise and how quickly we can raise the funds. We will get a better notion of what exactly we need to raise when we visit down there.

We really covet your prayers during this time. We have a lot of things to take care of and not a lot of time to do it. We are still waiting on the other couple to sell their house. They have had it listed for a couple of months now. Please pray that their house will sell soon so that they can purchase our house. We are still in the process of cleaning out or house and disposing all of the stuff we have accumulated during our time in this house. It's amazing how much junk you can gather in one house. Pray for us to stay on track and to remain diligent in our work.

If you have been blessed and feel God calling you to support us financially, you can do so through our church. Checks can be made out to Friendship Chapel, but DO NOT write our name on the check anywhere. Please insert a separate note saying that this is for Dan and Robin. They can be sent to our church at:

Friendship Chapel
7754 28th Ave.
Jenison, MI 49428

The cost of the CDTS is $6990 for us as a couple, plus $1755 for our children to be there as well. This covers all of the training and room and board. The outreach phase will cost an additional $2000-$2500 for each of us, depending on where we go. We understand that this seems like a lot, but we feel that the training and experience we will receive will help us tremendously in our future.

We thank you in advance for all your support either in prayer or financially.

"Mission has two categories: those who go down into the well and those who hold the rope. Either way it will cost you, and either way you will have scars." - Paul Washer, director of the HeartCry Missionary Society

Would you be willing to hold our rope while we venture down into the well?

Going forward in God's grace and guidance.

Doubts

People say that they hear God speaking to them. I personally haven't heard any audible words, but I have felt His calling on my life. As a result I think that I hear a lot from Satan as well. Satan knows what God is doing in our lives and he doesn't like it. So to combat it he speaks. Oh it's not audible just like I haven't heard God audibly. He speaks in ways that we sometimes don't see them coming. He speaks to my doubts "What do you think you're doing? You're not good enough to become a missionary! God can't use a sinner like you. You're going to fail and return home disgraced." I have been feeling a little apprehensive about this whole thing lately. The home that needs to sell for our house to be sold hasn't yet. We have so much to do yet to empty our house and so much to go through that it seems overwhelming. We haven't heard if we are accepted yet from YWAM Tyler. All this weighs heavily on me. I can feel it.

Then there's the BUT (usually the BUT is the bad thing)... But God has promised to take care of us. But God has removed all my sins and made me clean. But God can use me a dreadful sinner just like all the other dreadful sinners He has used in the past. But God can and will sustain us, even when we feel like giving up and going home.

I need to remember to claim the promises of God and live them out everyday. I need to remember to "resist the devil, and he will flee from you" (James 4:7) When those doubts creep up on me I need to look to His Word to answer those doubts. Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." A wise friend of mine once talked about this passage. She said that it was interesting that out of such a negative book, that one of the best know verses out of it was one of the most positive and uplifting. Most of all I need to not worry. God has known our needs way before we have known that they exist. He knows right when that house is going to sell. He knows that we need the time to go through our house and get it ready. He has been teaching a lot with that as well. I am surprised at how much junk we have accumulated. Suddenly all of these things that seemed so important to us we don't even hesitate in selling or giving away. I have peace that God will work it out and that His timing will be perfect. I need to remember the words of one of my favorite hymns:

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
when sorrows like sea billows roll;
whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.

It is well with my soul,
it is well, it is well with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
let this blest assurance control,
that Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
and hath shed his own blood for my soul.

It is well with my soul,
it is well, it is well with my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

It is well with my soul,
it is well, it is well with my soul.

And, Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
the clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
the trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
even so, it is well with my soul.

It is well with my soul,
it is well, it is well with my soul.

Horatio G. Spafford

So I will trust God to take care of us. He hasn't let me down yet and I suppose that He never will.

It is truly well with my soul.